I’m Freezing in Texas

Duane Gundrum
2 min readNov 13, 2023
licensed from Adobe Stock

I’m Freezing in Texas. Honestly, those are four words I never thought I would type together in a sentence. But to be honest, I’m freezing.

Which is ironic or just tragic because I moved here from Michigan because I had decided that it was just too cold there. I had lived a decade in Michigan, and as you know, it’s just too frickin’ cold in Michigan for humans. Maybe a polar bear, but certainly not a human. Okay, maybe an Eskimo, but to be honest, I suspect most Eskimos would move somewhere warmer than Eskimo Land, which I suspect is one of our states (was never good at figuring which states are which in this rather large country). I just wouldn’t advertise Texas as the place to move if Eskimos are seeking to get warm.

I believe Texas sold me on a false product. Every time I watched a Western about Texas, it was always in the desert, and it was hot. That’s what I wanted when I moved here. More cacti and fewer snow drifts (okay, we don’t get snow drifts, or snow here, but I’m still going to complain like an angry Karen who didn’t get instant service over her complaint that people are watering their own lawns).

And I suspect that Texas has it out for me, too. Just when it got “really” cold here, my air conditioner and my heater stopped working (they both run on the same fan). And it started on Friday afternoon, way after the time my apartment complex comes out to fix things. So I froze all weekend.

Someone told me: “Wear a blanket.” I drove far enough so that their body would never be found again.

Which brings me to my final point: Make sure you’re registered to vote as that time will close in on you faster than you can imagine.

And someone get me the number I can call to make sure the weather turns back to the way Texas promised me in those commercials.



Duane Gundrum

Author of Innocent Until Proven Guilty and 15 other novels. Writer, college professor and computer game designer.