For some odd reason, the Democrats want me to run for office

Duane Gundrum
4 min readOct 26, 2023
My interpretation of what it means to run for office. Next, I will interpret being a butterfly.

So, for some odd reason, the Democrat Party wants me to run for office, any office. And I’m not really sure why.

The other day, I was contacted by a headhunter from the Democrat Party that feels I would be a great candidate to run for office. And while I think being a congressman or a senator would be kind of awesome, I am really lost as to how they picked my name out of a hat. I mean, I don’t win anything ever. I’ve been playing the Powerball lottery for years, and I’ve never won more than ten dollars. I suck at winning. So why me?

And I mean it. Why Me? First off, there are a bunch of reasons why I could imagine they wouldn’t choose me as a candidate. I mean, I’m a writer, a novelist, and other than a few outliers, writers aren’t normally considered great political choices.

I’m also a college professor. Those aren’t always considered the first choice for political parties. Teachers don’t often get chosen to run for higher office. Oh, they might be great when running for a school board, but teachers don’t often want to run for school boards. I know I wouldn’t. But seriously, what do I know?

They probably haven’t done a whole lot of scrutinizing of me either. I have all sorts of skeletons in my closet. Like once, I removed the tag from my mattress, even though there was writing that said removing the tag was illegal and likely to get me years in prison if I removed it. But I was a rebel back then, and even though the government might have attached tracking devices in these tags, I was willing to risk it.

Once, when I was dating, I started dating someone else at the same time. According to the Matriarchal Accords, I understand that this could have resulted in me being hauled off to some female-led high-security prison far off from where anyone else resides, I risked it, having been told about such prisons by someone I had dated earlier. Although, I’m not sure I risked it because I didn’t believe such a place existed, or because I might have been somewhat intrigued by being dragged to such a place.

This is kind of how I imagined it to be. What do I know?

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Duane Gundrum

Author of Innocent Until Proven Guilty and 15 other novels. Writer, college professor and computer game designer.